I don’t know about you but this is my first global pandemic. Annnddd…. I’d be totally fine if we never, ever had to experience this again.
I don’t want to gloss over the serious nature of the events gripping our world right now. It weighs heavy on my mind and heart. Yet as the panic began to ease up a bit this Spring, it created the chance for meaningful conversations with friends that we might not normally make time for. Friends began sharing about their personal ‘silver-linings’, or the smaller, more nuanced lessons they were learning about themselves and their priorities for life during this time of turmoil.
Some of the lessons I’ve learned seem to be universal; Don’t get low on TP, working from home has a distinct converse relationship to personal hygiene and 20 seconds is a really, really long time to wash your hands. Also fascinating to me? Most of us hadn’t really EVER been washing our hands correctly anyway. Who knew?
I had my own story about personal growth. This crisis handed me a much needed reset. I went from complaining or rejoicing or chasing after the mundane and relatively trivial in the day-to-day to caring deeply that I had a roof over my head, a job, and no one I knew was sick. Period. That was the extent of my focus.
Reset.
Conversations went from ‘I don’t like the color of the new Hoka running shoes and downtown parking is nutso….’ to ‘Are your family and friends safe? Do you still have your job?’ And then taking the time to really listen to the answers.
Reset.
A conversation in April with a good friend crystalized and cemented what I’d been noodling for a few weeks: social media was an increasingly toxic element in my world. I was as addicted to the dopamine hit and validation that come with ‘likes’ as the next person. Yet I could see that I had reached a point of consistently looking at a post and being able to answer ‘did this enrich my life and inform me of something worth knowing?’ with a rapid, flat ‘nope’.
I hit social media to escape the real world and suddenly internet-misery and anger and half-truths were morphing into the real world for me. I would quote ‘some random friend on Facebook’ as a given expert. I found myself endlessly comparing myself to and judging others. Two of the things I don’t like to engage in at all, ever, were becoming all-consuming end-games on social media for me.
I would scroll and judge. I would scroll and feel like a steaming pile of crap. I would scroll and be irritated or upset or find myself unfollowing people for their posts… Rarely would I scroll and feel happy, smart or enlightened.
Sound familiar at all?
As I scrolled I would think: ‘They’ are doing way better at staying active and fit and they don’t have to battle their weight. That’s really what ‘they’ think science is all about? ‘They’ are sure acting self-righteous in their blanket pandemic-shaming of others without knowing the situation or abilities or problems others face. ‘They’re’ whiny. ‘They’ aren’t even taking a moment to acknowledge the suffering consuming the world around them…. Throw in a daily smattering of random posts covering pandemic-shaming, racism, judgement, fat-shaming and political pandering and you have….
Huh.
FREAKING Reset.
PUSH THE RESET BUTTON NOW.
The part of me that wants to assume the best in people would start showing up when I was NOT scrolling… Who the hell am I to judge anyone for anything? Everyone is doing their very best to hang on and BE who they are in the middle of this chaos. Survival and thriving and getting-by sure looks very, very different for everyone.
You get the brutally ugly idea.
The inside of my head wasn’t the place I wanted it to be when I was scrolling.
Ugh. ‘THEY’ were driving me crazy. And with something ridiculous like 4,000 FB ‘friends’ I don’t even know who most of ‘they’ are! I was comparing and judging and feeling snarky and in many cases with people I do not even know in real life.
Give me a break. That’s not me. That’s not how I want to show up in this world. Social media was hardening my heart, numbing my brain and forcing thoughts to the front of my mind that just didn’t ring true.
And – light bulb! – I actually have a whole lot of control over that input. I needed to practice feeding my brain better experiences and information. I started with pulling the plug on social media interactions and to see if that worked…
I deleted the apps about 5 weeks ago.
The first day or two without FaceBook/Instagram/Twitter were admittedly odd — simply for missing the habit of scrolling or using the phone to fill gaps of silence/boredom. Very quickly I figured out that I missed the HABIT, not the content. With that breathe of knowledge – I knew I’d made the right decision.
It’s been…Glorious. So freeing to be disconnected from the artificial and not-always-so-nice world of social media and yet be more intentionally connected to the voices and hearts of the people in my real world.
I’m not sure when I’ll be back on social media platforms. When and if I do come back, it will be with a simple plan to keep social media as a time-appropriate and mildly entertaining distraction. I don’t make a living on social media and most of the folks who need to find me can easily connect to me in other ways. I have the luxury of choice. And I’m exercising it.
What has my unplugging from social media done for me? Here’s what I’ve observed so far: I am comparing less. Finding more in life to simply enjoy. Less distracted. More connected. More sure of myself. Listening more intently and hearing a whole lot more than just what’s being said. More satisfied with my own life.
Your turn: Have you taken a break from social media? What did you learn? I’d genuinely enjoy hearing what others are experiencing or ways you’ve found to enjoy social media instead of reacting to it… Please reply or leave comments on this blog. Given my hiatus from social media, I’m not likely to see your comments or thoughts otherwise!
all bets are off... 
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too am feeling that social media is not a positive in my life.
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Cindy! Thank you for reading. And for taking the time to comment. I seriously did the mental gymnastics for weeks about what I would gain/lose/miss if I stepped away and it wasn’t easy… Weeks. And finally I just thought ‘step away, see how it goes and then you can always put it back in your life if you’re missing too much….’ and here we are 5 weeks later. 🙂 I also know that for some folks there is very viable middle ground – they can limit their time on social media and curate their feed to be puppies/running or whatever floats their boats. I applaud those folks!
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Yes, exactly! I use Facebook to keep up with old friends..I have begun to unfollow and unfriend those that are just trying to push their own agendas…It had been so freeing to be able to let those go and just enjoy the fun, informational posts that make my day instead of dragging it down❤️
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I do know there are a handful of folks that are ONLY FB friends and I feel a little squeamish about having walked away. But I also think they might just find me without me having to wade back into the fray. 🙂 Happy trails to you Cindy!
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Ah Betsy, always an inspiration! I was thinking of you today when went to Village Runner and bought my first Garmin. It’s a 45S and probably does way more stuff that I can get it to do! Thank you for being that persistent thought in the back of my head.
Grwat post! I was deciding the same and recently went through my FB, unfriended about 350 people, excited out of scores of group, unlike a couple dozen pages and am limiting my scrolling time.
So I should have some time to put the Garmin to use. Love you. Miss you. Stay well
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Peri. I need you to text me a picture of that new Garmin…. STAT. I LOVE new active-tech! I want to see your new ‘friend’ in your health journey. 🙂 Thank you for reading the blog. I tried for weeks to get FB locked down to puppies and running and make it a place to scroll and ignore/enjoy… I just couldn’t. I do the love the idea of a social media ‘allowance’. I read it on another blog. They basically give themselves an allowance of time for social media for the week – and when theyr’e done; they’re done. I think that might work for me. 🙂 Send me pics of your new Garmin! Please!
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Thank you so much for sharing so much. While you may have left social media, please never stop writing. You have a gift of storytelling, incredible insight, and powerful messages in life that always touch, inspire and encourage so many of us to dive deeper into thought. You are an amazing woman and a dear friend that I am so glad has crossed my path in life.
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I took a break from writing. After publishing the book a year ago I was so burned out on words and writing and grammar and editing. So burned out. But then I cut social media – I started to feel a little creative itch to start writing again. JUST FOR ME. Just to get thoughts on paper and out of my head. It’s been fun. In the past few weeks I’ve been pretty prolific. Most of it won’t ever see the light of day. BUT It’s fun to simply sit and play with words again and see if I can make them into a story that carries my voice. I feel like writing is once again a pleasure. 🙂 Perhaps I should edit the blog and add in that I feel like writing again because I’m not consumed with social media crappola Love you my friend. Glad the universe put us into each others lives.
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Oh Bets… so, so much truth in this blog. Yes… please keep writing because you put into words what many of us think and believe and you do it so beautifully. It’s AMAZING to me that when I’m busy with REAL stuff and I miss the scrolling how much happier I feel! Love you my wonderful friend. Have a blessed day! ❤
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Karen! Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂 And yes… When we stop staring at our phones — there’s a world out there waiting to be lived and enjoyed. Happy trails my friend. Love you!
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Well done Betsy! I choose to leave my comment here since you are off Facebook. I think social media has made us intellectually lazy and emotionally reliant on other people. It can be a positive tool as a platform to connect with people and communities, sharing ideas, etc. But, we can’t depend on it as the only tool to build interpersonal relationships. You are always inspiring others, I always look forward to your posts.
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SAM! Thank you for the kind words! And I really love your phrasing…. ‘Intellectually lazy and emotionally reliant’. You nailed it. And it’s insidious and subtle at times – so you don’t even know it’s happening…. I hope you are well and good and happy! Thank you for reading my post. 🙂
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Your words have turned my attention towards re-claiming myself away from toxic family crap and you know what? I can begin building a shame guard. Kinda like a PPE for the soul.
Almost finished reading your book.
Many thanks for writing and getting it out there.
– Lucy
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OHHHH… Ok. I LOVE the visual of PPE for the SOUL! You’re onto something really magical with that thinking… Thank you for reading and commenting on the blog – and for reading my book too! I’m doing a ton of work right now on boundaries – and your idea of PPE for the soul resonates deeply with me! Thank you for sharing that ideas. Happy trails to you!
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Love you and completely get it!!!
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Love you too! And you are such a positive influence on social media platforms! And in real life…. 🙂 I do miss your thoughtful posts!
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These gadgets and social media can easily take over your Life!!
Keep it leashed.
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Hello mate great blogg
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