Healthy lifestyle

Sports bras and coffee: A supportive friendship. (Guest blog, Taryn)

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Taryn and Bets. Friendship started over a cup of coffee. There have been MANY cups of coffee between then and now. 🙂

Taryn is a registered dietitian, athlete, sports bra expert 🙂 and friend.  Grab a cup of coffee and meet my friend Taryn…

As Betsy has alluded to in a previous blog post (Bra runs amok), we originally met through her fear of asking her running coach, Spencer, advice on buying a sports bra after multiple bra-related mishaps.

Call it fate, call it whatever you want, but if sports bras are what originally brought us together then I am forever indebted to those innocuous little pieces of clothing that are so much more than bits of dry-fit fabric and elastic. {Insert little cheer for sports bras HERE! Guys, sorry you don’t quite understand.}

So, after that introduction, let me share a little bit of our story


After being introduced to Betsy via Spencer over email, and many, MANY emails and personal details later (overshare on the internet to a stranger? Nah), we agreed to meet for coffee.

Betsy shared her story to lose weight and reverse Type 2 Diabetes, which was instantly intriguing to me. I should also mention, I’m a Registered Dietitian with a specialty in sports nutrition. In my few years of practicing as a dietitian, I’d heard a few stories here and there of people who had lost large amounts of weight but never actually met someone who did it solely through healthy lifestyle changes: EAT LESS (or more, high quality, nutrient dense foods â˜ș), MOVE MORE.

I soon realized, this woman is freakin’ AWESOME and hilarious. And by “soon” I mean about 5 minutes after taking my first sip of coffee with her. I just had to learn more about her journey! I think the feeling was mutual though, as we both saw there was more to be gained by this introduction than just sports bras


So she began to tell me about her quest to revamp her lifestyle (which she was already deep into at this point) and her new idea to run an ultra. Had I ever heard of such a thing? Why yes, I had in fact just run an ultra â˜ș.

And so began what might be called the second phase of our journey together
learning to fuel for exercise, specifically long duration exercise.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: “What do you do for fueling during your long runs?” (we’re talking like 2+ hours here)

Betsy: * blank stare * (she might have been speechless for maybe the first time in our entire relationship 😉

When I suggested that she should try fueling during her runs, I could almost read her thoughts: “why the F would I EAT something while running?!?!?!” To put it mildly, at this point, Betsy was still very much in the “diabetic carb-phobic, use exercise for weight loss” phase.

If she wanted to run an ultra, and not just grudgingly finish, but enjoy the experience (a HUGE factor in sticking with any form of exercise: enjoyment!!!), fueling during her longer runs would be a necessity. Bonking + being hangry = a bad combo, and best avoided.

Fast-forward countless more coffee dates (and maybe a few carb-tantrums
) later, I have been fortunate to witness a small part of Betsy’s mindset transformation from carb-fearful to understanding the role of proper portion size of high-quality carbohydrates (think fruits, vegetables and whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, etc) in her everyday life, during exercise, and for post-exercise recovery.

If you ask me, meeting over sports bras took down a lot of the barriers that are sometimes initially there in the beginnings of a friendship when you’re thinking: “Can I tell this person this story? What will they think of me?…” I mean, let’s be real, how many of your friends can you openly and honestly share stories about gut issues while running and pooping in the woods with no shame? (Note: if you’re a runner, that doesn’t apply to you). That might have happened on maybe our third or fourth coffee date
 Just go right ahead and smash those barriers.

When I think about it, I’ve only known Betsy for about a year and a half but it feels like so much more. Not only have I gained a lifetime friend that we can be authentically open and honest with each other, but it’s a supportive friendship at that.

Get the pun? 😉

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Trail run at Peavy last March. Taryn KNOWS the trails. Her mind is a map. I would still be running in circles trying to find the Bonzai trail had she not been there. 🙂

Miles. (Wade, Guest blogger)

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Wade and Betsy

Meet Wade!  Not sure how much of an introduction he really needs.  His post perfectly describes the strength and fabric of our friendship.

He is one of the people who has been with me through this entire journey.  He knew me at my heaviest.  He was the very first person I told when I decided that I was going to get started saving my own life…

I could not have done this without him.  You’ll see that for yourself.

It’s all yours Wade…

Miles…

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

~ Lao Tzu


January 27, 2013 at 12:12am (EST)

Betsy: “Think about something… HOW would you even begin to go about the permitting processes for a NAKED 5K? Logistical nightmare.”

That is approximately the 3,700th Facebook message between Betsy and I. She sent it to me, it was the first message in the conversation that day
 Nudity, logistics, running
 Somehow it is a perfect representation of our relationship.

We’ve known each other since late 2007. Since that time we have amassed over 4,000 Facebook messages, an unknowable number of text messages, and hours on the phone.

September 17, 2009 at 1:16am (EDT)

Betsy: “We have 142 friends in common. I didn’t know I had 142 friends. I just noticed that little factoid on FB. 142 is a lot.”

142 is a lot, it’s 46 friends fewer than we have in common now, and it’s also 92 less than pounds lost on this journey


Think about the last substantial road trip you shared with friends, you learned something about each other. You saw the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hilarious. And at the end, hopefully you are better for it. AND there is always more to the road trip than gets reported when you are showing off photos


Betsy’s journey so far has covered many miles but what six years of Facebook messages revealed is that it really did begin with the first step


Monday, May 24, 2010 at 4:52pm (EDT)

I’m gonna lose 25 pounds. When I do – I’m buying this (a Tiffany Bracelet). And I’m not telling ANYONE but you. Not my dad. Not my sister. And I don’t want you checking in on me. Just wanted someone to kinda/sorta hold me accountable… I want the bracelet.

There may have been little steps before this one, but this was the one, the shot across the bow. When Betsy brings up Tiffany you know it’s serious. It was followed a few days later by an email and subsequent message that she was joining Weight Watchers. While the bulk of the message was the how, the important part was this:

Monday, May 31, 2010 at 11:51pm (EDT)

Weight Watchers starts tomorrow. (Actually – I’ve been doing it most of the weekend, just because I’m that ready to get going.) Attaching the link — so you can see the basics of the program… All good stuff. And yes — I’m that much of a brat that I need to pay someone to tell me the things I already know. Snacks packed for tomorrow. Lunch packed too. I’m gonna do it this time Wade. I really, really want to. I really, really intend to. Wish me luck…

And then a week later this:

Monday, June 7 at 12:10pm (EDT)

Betsy: Weight watchers not working… This is what other folks have used and been successful on. What do you think?

Wade: I think you need to give it more than a week


Betsy: Walking to a full sweat each day. And I’ve gained 8 pounds in 8 days. Am I just doomed to be fat??? This is so discouraging.

I’ve never done anything like what Betsy has done, many of us haven’t, and god willing won’t have to. I can’t fully understand what it takes to make that kind of a lifestyle change (this is just eating and exercising, just wait until you find out what losing that much weight does with your skin
).

The one thing these messages show is that it is not easy.

Just as with any journey there are bumps in the road (or concrete barriers). But if you manage to crawl (yes crawl) over them then you can get to this:

November 16, 2010 at 4:37pm (EST)

So — I’ve been dropping down on my insulin and the most HAPPY, exciting thing has happened… I’m not as hungry. I’ve lost about 2 pounds. Which I know isn’t a big deal – but the decrease in appetite is HUGE NEWS. My doc gave me the approval to try to get my numbers of insulin waaaaay down and after a bit of a mixed-result start — I think it’s going to work. Less insulin = less hungry = less Betsy… 🙂

And then you get to this:

August 2, 2011 at 12:22am (EDT) 
 (YES we have odd message times)

Diet this time is odd
I’m solidly happy and committed.

I’m walking 2 miles a day.

It took over a year to go from almost a meltdown when the latest diet didn’t work, to being solidly happy, committed and walking 2 miles a day. 2 miles is a far cry from a 50k, but it’s a hell of a lot better than a burger, fries, and large coke at the drive through on the way home.

There are a lot more steps and milestones in our years of conversation, like when Betsy decided to sign up for a 5k, and then discovered good running shoes. Or when she said she actually enjoyed vegetables.

What I think this shows (I really don’t know much, but this is a blog so I must be right) is that Betsy’s blog posts cover up some of the details. It takes seeing the day-in-day-out conversations to realize just how much work this really takes.

So whether you’re setting out to lose weight, get in shape, or just eat healthier, remember that at one point our fitness freak, Betsy Hartley, was melting down because she gained weight on Weight Watchers.

For the record she stuck with it and it worked, but it was not always rainbows and trail runs


The journey of a thousand miles may begin with the first step, but, if you don’t keep walking you’re not going to make it very far.

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Pacific Crest Endurance Triathlon (Wade) and Duathlon (Betsy). 2014. We signed up a year ahead – and spent the year being training partners at a distance. Wade in DC, Bets in OR. Friendship and support knows no bounds. 🙂

Can’t is NOT a word.

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Liz and I on her wedding day! I’m between 280-320 pounds. Liz was marrying the man of her dreams. SUCH a happy day!  I still love this picture.

“I can’t eat that.  It’s not on my diet.”

I have a resolution for you to consider.

It’s simple.  (...I did not say easy…)

It does NOT require you to hit the gym, stop eating your favorite food or make sweeping lifestyle changes. (Unless that’s what you have in mind. 🙂 )

It has to do with how you to talk about your life, your choices.

WORDS MATTER.

When I was FIRST starting on this journey, I would find myself in any situation that involved food and immediately feel the need to proactively defend myself/my choices.  “I can’t eat that.  It’s not on my diet.”

That provokes ALL kinds of responses from people; most re-enforce the negative response I just put out there…

‘I couldn’t do your diet’,  ‘Just one bite won’t hurt’, I even got one ‘Ugh. Your LIFE sucks.’

I had a critical mental shift early on this journey, thanks to a conversation with my friend, Liz.  She’s my life-long, cheerleader, butt-kick-when-I-need-it kind of best friend.  Everyone should be lucky enough to have a Liz.

I was telling Liz about some experiences I had had and that people weren’t as supportive of what I was doing as I had hoped. She said…

‘You chose this. You KNOW you can do it.  You don’t have to ask for permission. You don’t have to defend what you choose to do to anyone.’

Fast forward about two months from that early conversation; She was right. Dodging social invitations or avoiding ALL of my friends wasn’t sustainable. Relying on other people to support or be OK with what I was doing was NOT the answer either.

This was all me. My fight, my life, my choices. And when I really got to thinking about it…?  The core issue was actually pretty simple:

I needed to start by changing my language.

If I changed how I talked about my choices (food, diabetes, exercise, ALL of it!), maybe I could set people up to respond more positively to what I was trying to do…?

So I tested it out. I started saying…

“I choose not to eat that right now, but thank you.”

Funny.  Nobody really seemed to argue with me when I said it was my choice…

I mean they might argue, but they seemed less likely to argue than when I was proclaiming unhappy absolutes. Most folks will instinctively or intellectually argue against a restriction. Life just shouldn’t be about restrictions and cant’s and not-getting to’s.

But when you alert folks that this is a choice. I CHOOSE… I get to and want to… People usually respond accordingly. I found that they overwhelmingly responded with support when I stated things in the positive.

Talking in the positive does some amazing things to your thinking as well. I have better resolve. A better attitude. I am more persistent and stubborn.  ALL of that continues to get stronger when I changed the way I was talking about my choices.

With cementing lifestyle changes –  it’s really our brain we have to convince and keep babysitting. 🙂

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

And if Henry Ford isn’t a credible enough source for you…

‘Can’t is NOT a word.’ – Hannah O’Leary 

Don’t take my word for it; try it out!

It’s a subtle and simple resolution that takes some practice. TAKE charge of your words. Make them positive and strong. People will respond by supporting you.

And best of all?  Your brain will follow. 🙂

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Bets and Liz.  LOVE YOU LIZ!

Shots and needles.

~ betsyhartley392 ~ Leave a comment
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Mae is the nurse that taught me how to give myself shots. We’ve been friends for 10+ years. Early morning hours before we took off on our 100 mile bike ride for Tour de Cure for Diabetes 2014.

“I could never give myself a shot.  How did you learn to do it?”

I was told I was diabetic and the doctor literally gave me a bag with a vial of insulin and a handful of syringes in it.

He walked out the door…

I was scared to death. Being told I was full-blown diabetic was scary enough, but now I was going to be on insulin. I was given NO INSTRUCTIONS on how to give myself a shot.  It was ALL just a little (ok… a lot…) too much.

The doc did tell me they had to be done in a very specific way; administered within an 8 inch radius of my belly button.  Did I understand what he was telling me.  I numbly nodded yes… (I tend to do that when I am totally intimidated or totally lost… 🙂 )

I sat there dazed, confused, starting to cry… Mae walked in the room.  Mae was the nurse. And this is how I remember what happened next…

Me: Crying in earnest now…  ‘I don’t know how to give myself a shot.  And I have to…”  (There may have been some wailing or sobbing or arm-flapping in there… Mae could tell you in better detail.)

Mae:  ‘Let’s see what is in that bag in your hands. We will figure this out…’

She proceeded to calmly and reassuringly talk me through what each thing was and how it was used.  She told me to get a Sharp’s container and alcohol pads. She talked me through how to give myself a shot.

I dried the tears after a while and walked out.

I knew that I HAD NO CHOICE. It was something I was simply going to have to do it.  I would just have to learn.

I got home and put everything on the counter.

I fished around for what I needed and eventually drew the meds into the syringe.

Then I stood there… With the needle pointed at my belly… Thumb on the plunger of the syringe…

I knew I had to give myself the shot.

So I started this ‘dance‘.  I don’t know what else to call it.  I was basically chasing myself around the kitchen…  I would try to bring the syringe in close and I would back away from MYSELF. I have no other explanation to offer. I was chasing myself around the kitchen. I am positive it looked totally ridiculous.

And then I stood still some more with the needle poised… WILLING myself to just give myself the damn shot.

I COULD NOT do this...

I cried some more. Cussed a lot. Stomped my feet. Threw the syringe.

Deep breath.

Cussing fluently and quite creatively at this point – but with less volume…

I retrieved the syringe and checked to make sure it was all in one piece and that the right amount of insulin was still in it.

Ok.  So maybe if I metaphorically ‘took a running jump…’?  You know — STOPPED thinking about it so much and just jumped in with both feet???

That’s how people conquer things they are afraid of — they JUST do it…

So I grabbed the syringe in both hands.

Stood there for a moment and then finally got up the nerve…

I STABBED myself in the gut.

HARD.

Much like a scene from Romeo and Juliet – with the dagger…  I used enough force that I knocked the wind out of myself. I wound up sporting a faint, softball sized bruise on my belly that looked remarkably like my fist.  🙂

But I got it done!

Turns out those needles are fine gauge and short. You can barely feel them.  HONEST!  There were several times over the years where I would give myself a shot and have to look down and check to make sure the needle had actually connected with my belly.

But that first time?

That first time I had to give myself a shot?

That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. PURE fear. But I got it done.

I just did it. 🙂

(Nike has it right.)  🙂

Success AND failure…

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 2 Comments
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My sis. 🙂

My sister called me out the other day. As only a sister can.

In a blog, I said I had failed at ALL kinds of diets. I listed Weight Watchers (WW) as a failure.

My relationship with WW is actually a much more complicated and nuanced story than simple success or failure.

WW was an important part of my recent weight loss journey. I was with the program for over 2 years (2011-2013). Never missed a meeting in all that time. They taught and fostered habits I wouldn’t have learned any other way.

My sister was right to call me out on not giving them proper credit.

I was trying to make the point that I had tried and failed at a ton of programs because I wasn’t MENTALLY ready to commit and succeed. My history with WW had been fraught with failure.  It remains the most failed diet program of all time for me.  I attempted WW at least 14 times that I can remember.  It was the very first diet I ever did with my mom when I was 12-13.

Why was I successful this time around??!

I was mentally READY.  

WW worked well for me this time around for 2+ years and 100+ pounds BECAUSE I was really, truly ready to work at it.

Have whiplash yet? 🙂

So then, what prompted me to list WW as a failure?

I reached a point, a year ago, where WW was no longer working for the life I was trying to build. It was not a decision I made lightly or easily. It was like breaking-up with a long-time friend…

After a lengthy discussion with Jim, my WW leader, he said; “The need for you to transition to something else simply shows your growth and life changes. It is not a flaw in the WW program.”

He is right.

Here is what Jim and I talked about…

My needs were becoming drastically different. I was active and falling in love with endurance sports. Being focused on calorie restriction WHILE trying to run longer distances was driving me crazy. I made the decision that my focus for 2014 was going to be training hard to run long distances, eating to fuel what I wanted to do and learning to not worry about what I weighed.

Because…

I had become obsessed with the numbers on the scale. Anxiety over the weekly weigh-ins. Stepping on my home scale 2-3 times a day to make sure I wasn’t gaining DURING THE DAY. I would not eat or drink the day of a weigh-in if I felt I was in jeopardy of gaining for the week. Even on days when I was running or working out.

At this point in the story folks usually become alarmed…

Rightfully so. 

This was NOT EVEN REMOTELY HEALTHY behavior.  It was stupid, unsafe, unhealthy, mental BS.  And WW would NEVER, EVER condone that type of behavior if they were aware of it.

I felt trapped in a ‘competition’ against a scale.

It had to end.

Lastly, I encountered a philosophical difference with WW. The part of my brain that wanted to have a relationship with food that was intentional and thoughtful had been fighting against a ‘free for all’ mentality.  Let me explain…

Weight Watchers is trying to help people eat healthier foods while restricting calories so they can lose weight. They have a category of ‘free‘ foods (essentially lower-carb fruits/veggies) that you can eat until you are satisfied and you don’t have to count the calories.

How many of us who seek out weight loss programs (especially those of us who are repeat customers…) are truly capable of discerning ‘full to satisfaction‘?  Or are capable of eating in moderation?!??  If we were capable of ANY of that we WOULD NOT NEED the program.  Just saying…

Here’s how my messed-up brain works…

So, I have eating/food issues, I habitually and willingly overeat and you are telling me FOOD IS FREE?!! Awesome!  Even if it’s food I don’t like — I like it now.  It’s free!  I can eat ALL I WANT! I have permission to over-eat, because it’s FREE! And I WILL find a way to overeat, I have spent a life time doing it.  I’m DAMN good at it.

*Spoiler alert*

As it turns out all foods have caloric and nutritional values. Nothing is really free. 

I have finally accepted and embraced this not-at-all-sexy-cool-or-fun truth.

I now count calories. ALL the calories.

My sister was right. WW deserves due credit for giving me tools, structure, support and help. To an outsider it looked like I had nothing but success with the program. Then I left, quietly. Most of the WW folks have no clue what my history was, what my reasons were.

WW gave me some great tools, helped me establish some critical and needed habits.

And I do need to thank WW for those fundamental gifts.

(For the record… My sister is still speaking to me. 🙂 )

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Jim! My current friend and former WW leader. And trail running partner. We were 2.5 hours into a 5 hour run. 🙂

Bra runs amok

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 6 Comments
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Marie, me, Mary, and Anneke. Tour de Outback bike ride in Lakeview Oregon in 2012. First bike ride event for me, SO FUN!

Women who are active and endowed with certain ‘charms’ need GOOD sports bras.

No way around it.

I have become somewhat of an expert on sports bras since deciding I wanted to live an active life. Let’s call it necessity. Or self defense. 🙂

Let me tell you a story…

My friend Anneke TOLD me several times early in my lifestyle-change journey that I needed to get a ‘good sports bra’.  Her exact words to me were ‘Betsy. DO NOT run to Walmart and buy a cheap, uni-boob, stretchy sports bra. They don’t provide support. Spend the money and buy a decent one.”

I was losing weight and was NOT going to spend $50 on a bra that would not fit in less than 2 months.

So I ran to Walmart and bought TWO cheap, uni-boob, stretchy sports bras. I did NOT tell Anneke what I had done. (I’m guessing that RIGHT ABOUT NOW she has figured it out.. 🙂 )

Prior to figuring out they made sports bras in larger sizes or that I really did need a special bra for running/jumping/moving?  I was doubling up my regular bras, a very COMMON practice for larger busted/overweight women. I have a feeling I am the only one dumb enough to publicly admit to this practice.

But, you do what you have to do.

Anyway, I signed up for a bootcamp class led by another friend, Amy. Her fitness bootcamp classes are well known in our area for being really fun and a welcoming spot for all abilities. About 75-100 people in a gym all jumping and moving and sweating. Fantastic music. Everyone having a great time for an intense hour of cardio.

I and my new sports bra went to her class.

About 15 minutes in — we do something called a burpee.

Variations abound, BUT the basic concept is: You start by standing up straight, quickly drop to a push-up position, do an actual push-up, hop back up quickly and then with your hands over your head — you jump for the sky.  Repeat multiple times. Fast, fluid, strong.

I did the push-up part of the burpee and when we got to the ‘jump for the sky’ part…

All hell broke loose.

When I landed, the girls unceremoniously tumbled out of the bottom of the handy-dandy sports bra…

The CHEAP piece of crap bra then proceeded to quickly and tightly roll itself up toward my neck.

Kind of like an old fashioned window shade.

So… Standing in the back of Amy’s class with everyone doing burpees… I am being choked by my bra.

AND my boobs are very decidedly NOT in the bra.

I am a sweaty mess. In a form fitting workout shirt. Boobs loose. Bra choking me.

I tried to discreetly unravel the bra from my neck and armpits… It became obvious that it was NOT going to happen…

At this point I’m on the verge of hysterical laughter…  Not tears.  I KNOW full well that this is damn funny and totally stupid.

But I also have NO real clue how to undo this holy-freaking-sweaty mess without having to walk through what feels like 1,000 people to the bathroom on the other side of the gym which now feels bigger than a football field.

I have no choice.

I crossed my arms and made a red-faced hobble/dash for the safety of the bathroom.  I got everything put back where it belonged. I quickly went back out to the class and gave it half-hearted gusto. Keeping my arms GLUED strategically to my sides. 🙂

I got home and promptly tossed BOTH bras in the trash can with some creative language thrown in to make me feel better. I silently vowed NEVER to tell a word of this story to Anneke. Ever.

I immediately set out on a mission to find a better sports bra so that I could keep going to bootcamp with Amy.

Over the next year or so I tried EVERY bra they made in my size. Varying degrees of success.  Mercifully there were no more epic, public failures. 🙂

About a year later, I was whole-heartedly trying to learn to run. And it was – uh – apparent that I would need a REALLY good sports bra.  Better than the ones I had found on my own at that point. I needed one that had exceptional motion control, would protect my back and would not chafe me.

I asked Spencer (running coach) to please connect me with any of the local female athletes he knew so i could ask them a question.  He introduced me to Taryn.

Taryn is an athlete and dietician. She also happened to be working at a running store.  A quick email to her with far too many personal details and within a day or two she had me in a GREAT sports/running bra. One I could RUN, jump, move around in with NO ISSUES! It fit perfectly! To this VERY day that bra has never betrayed me. And I’ve put it to the test. 🙂

What I learned from all of this was:

  • Sports bras really do come in all sizes. ALL sizes. It may cost you, but remember what it could cost you NOT to have a good bra. 🙂  Pay the money and get a good one.
  • Ask your local RUNNING store for help.  Guy, girl – NO matter.  Those folks in running stores have heard it all.  And runners have to have some of the best motion control on the planet.
  • On a similar note… Yoga bras and some of the other fun/cutesy bras are not necessarily serious about keeping the girls locked down and in place during high impact sports. ($58 bucks for the TaTaTamer and it does not tame the Ta Ta’s.)
  • Read reviews on websites. Large busted women/over weight women have compassion for their well-endowed sisters and will usually post what the issues/benefits are in pretty plain language.

So the moral of this story?

Burpees are bad for you. (KIDDING! Amy I’m kidding!)

Listen to your friends who are speaking from hard-earned experience.

Invest in a good sports bra. 🙂

apples to apples

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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I usually have an apple stashed in my office, car, purse… Within arm’s reach. 🙂 Photo credit to Dr. Greg Thompson; hands down one of the best teacher-educators on the planet.  He retires the end of this year.

‘What ONE piece of advice do you have for chronic ‘dieters’ who really, really want to be successful this time around?’

LEARN what HUNGER really feels like.

I was brutally honest with myself when I started this journey 3+ years ago.  I knew that I had a really big problem, a really unhealthy relationship with food. And that I was going to be trying to stabilize blood sugars, get off of insulin, lose weight AND trying to find answers to some complicated food issues. ALL at the same time.

I like to keep things interesting.

I knew that perhaps my biggest hurdle was that I fundamentally did not understand hunger.

My body had NOT BEEN HUNGRY in years.  I didn’t know the feeling.

I was so, so used to simply eating because it was mealtime, or I passed the frig, or it was in front of me, or because it was a special occasion, or…

And I’m not alone.  In any conversation with folks who have lots to lose, at some point our conversation will come around to hunger.  And the ways we ignore it, abuse it, refuse to allow it to happen…

I had to figure out what it meant to be hungry if I was EVER going to get a handle on overeating.

I was pretty sure that the only way to have long-term success was going to be tied to whether I could feel, understand and respond to hunger.

So I came up with a trick that would a) teach me to understand what hunger was and b) wouldn’t mess too badly with my blood sugar.

Apples.

Honeycrisp apples to be specific.

I put a BUCKET of apples in the fridge.

And I made a deal with myself…

Anytime I thought I was hungry and it really didn’t make sense for me to be hungry (had just eaten lunch, had eaten most of my calories for the day, etc…) I could eat an apple.

And only an apple.

IF I was indeed hungry enough to eat an apple…  Then I was probably legitimately hungry.

IF I was NOT hungry enough to eat an apple…  Then I was simply cruising for food out of HABIT or bored or emotions or….  I would eat nothing.

If I was NOT hungry enough to eat an apple — I was not hungry.

I used apples to train myself to at least STOP and recognize if what I was experiencing was TRUE hunger.

The worst day I had?  I ate 6 apples. 🙂

I had days where I just couldn’t tell if I was hungry or mentally craving food/comfort/company.  So I ate apples.  Burden/guilt free…  I was trying to teach myself to learn something new, so I gave myself permission to eat as many apples as needed.

And BOY did I learn. And man alive did I eat a lot of apples those first few months. 🙂

Just this week I had to buy another big ol’ bag of apples and put it front-and-center in the fridge to REMIND me to listen to my hunger.  And not just eat because I’m bored or tired or frustrated or lazy.

I don’t think we are ever done learning. 

And as much as you do NOT want to hear this… I don’t know that we — if we have a food addiction/issues/overeat — are EVER off the hook. We have to stay vigilant about not letting the bad behaviors creep back in. 

Which is why there is a big bag of apples in my fridge even after 3+ years on this journey.

I find it ironic and fun that while we give apples to teachers as gifts, in my case APPLES have BEEN my teachers. 🙂

So what DO I eat these days?!

~ betsyhartley392 ~ Leave a comment
Betsy in sun
Sunrise. Day at a time.  (Photo credit; Jeff Sherman)

I was at an event for work and a woman who hadn’t seen me in a while walked up to me during the reception;

‘I’m just going to follow you around and watch what you eat. I need to lose some weight.  Maybe I can learn from you.’

Confession?

Nothing makes me more self conscious than knowing someone is watching or judging what I eat.

I spent a lifetime trying to hide the true bulk of what I was really consuming. And I got REALLY good at making sure no single person had the whole picture.

I mean, c’mon… I KNOW I was WEARING my poor eating habits for the whole world to see. But I had pretty solidly convinced myself I was hiding things well enough to deflect major attention.

Insecurities run deep and old habits die hard. Even now, I will still find ways to skip social events that involve food if at all possible.

Throw into this particular awkward ‘party’ mix that I had just done a LONG run. What could that possibly have to do with food you wonder??!  I was eating anything and everything that was not nailed down. I had burned 1,000+ calories running that morning and I was freaking HUNGRY.

And someone wanted to watch me eat?!  Egad… 

So, I promised her that I would share what I used to eat compared to what I eat these days.  She promised to stop following me around. 🙂

So how do you get to be almost 400 pounds and a type 2 diabetic?

Here’s how: I would consume roughly 3,500-5,000 calories on any given day of fast food, carbs and highly processed foods. I was not exercising. This was how I spent the 1990’s and early 2000’s.

A fairly typical day looked like.

  • Breakfast: McDonalds Sausage biscuit, hash browns, large diet coke
  • Snack: Chips, large diet Dr. Pepper
  • Lunch: Qdoba nachos loaded, large diet coke
  • Snack: Candy or more chips, large diet Dr. Pepper
  • Pre-dinner snack: 2 McDonald’s cheeseburgers, large fries, large diet coke.
  • Dinner: Chicken enchilada casserole, rice and beans, chips and salsa
  • Snack: Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream

Unbelievable that someone could eat that poorly, that much?  I WISH I was making this stuff up… But I really did eat all that stuff. Daily.

I have witnesses. Hell, I have PROOF.

My weight and a type 2 (T2) diabetes diagnosis are confirmation that this was pretty typical fare for me. FOR YEARS.

You don’t just suddenly wake up fat.

You actually have to work pretty hard to get there…

Starting in the early 2000’s, with my new T2 diagnosis, I spent about 8 years settling into a diabetic diet. Portions got smaller. I worked to glean out refined and overt sugar. I focused on a low-carb diet. I lost about 85 pounds during this time period and increased my walking over the years. It was NOT perfect, but it was a HUGE improvement.

July 2011 rolled around and I decided I was going to build a new and different lifestyle. I wanted to be healthy.

And then a WHOLE lot of additional changes have happened in the past 3+ years.

So, what does a day look like NOW?!

I consume about 1,500 – 2,100 calories a day; depending on what kind of exercise I’m doing. I try to work out 6 days a week. I eat a plant based diet.

A typical day pulled from the last month’s food journal:

  • Pre-run: Nut/seed/fruit bar (no sugar added)
  • Breakfast: Banana/granola/cashew butter, decaf coffee
  • Snack: Hummus/carrots and grapes
  • Lunch: Salad with beans, corn, grilled peppers, salsa, guacamole, tortilla chips
  • Afternoon snack: Nuts, apple and more decaf coffee. 🙂
  • Dinner: Quinoa, monster salad loaded veggies, avocado, oil and balsamic vinegar
  • Snack: Honeycrisp Apple with cinnamon and sea salt

Just a few short years ago I would tell everyone that I hated vegetables and I could NOT imagine life without Diet Coke.

Things have changed. 🙂

You don’t just suddenly wake up healthy. 

You actually have to work pretty hard to get here.

 

X marks the spot…

~ betsyhartley392 ~ Leave a comment

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I got a tattoo in San Francisco this past weekend.

I mean — why not?!?

We were in San Francisco for goodness sake!  I had just finished a big bucket-list event. My friends Wendie and Jeff were getting them too.

That’s about all the motivation and reason most folks would need.  Right?

Well, there is a little more to the story…

This little heart tattoo marks the spot where my type 2 (T2) diabetes diagnosis became VERY real for me.

The outside of my left foot.

I was wearing cute shoes to a conference in the early 2000’s. While totally adorable, the shoes gave me a nasty blister. Three months later that blister had NOT healed. In fact, it was infected and the wound site was growing.

I was referred to a wound-care specialist.  At the same time I was being told that I was no longer pre-diabetic; I was FULL BLOWN T2 diabetic.

The wound-care folks were talking about treatment options being limited because of my uncontrolled T2 diabetes. High sugar in your blood doesn’t allow you to heal normally or well. They would try their best, but they would probably wind up having to cut off part of my foot to encourage healing...

WHAT?

Shitshitshitshitshit.

I was suddenly feeling very motivated to figure out how to become a well CONTROLLED T2.  I did not want my life to be one set-back after another. One complication after another. Losing my feet one chunk at a time…

At one point in that first year of T2, my sister was going to get a tattoo. I had always wanted one. I was starting to get my blood sugars under control. I mentioned offhandedly to my doc at the time that I was going to get a tattoo with my sis. I remember his response…

‘That is the single stupidest thing I have ever heard. YOU have a team of people that barely saved your foot because you CAN NOT heal and you want to purposefully inflict a NEW open wound on your body?  Find a new doctor.’

Um… OK…  So maybe I don’t need a tattoo…

I buried the idea for more than a decade.

I saw my current doc this Fall. When she told me I was no longer a diabetic, I asked her if it would be OK for me to get a tattoo.  I told her I wanted a reminder of my T2 journey and the fact that I was NEVER, EVER slipping back to my old ways….

She tilted her head to the side and said…

‘I would get that tattoo on my foot if I were you.’

That is exactly what I did.

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Coach to 50K

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 2 Comments
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Spencer and I after The North Face Endurance Challenge, CA 12/2014.

You’ve heard of couch to 5K, the running/training app?

How about heart-monitor to 50K in 18 months?

No?

You haven’t heard of it?!?

Well, then let me tell you a story


I met Spencer when I was super focused and quite a ways into my lifestyle re-vamp. I was down to 200 pounds and off insulin. I was working to get off all other meds and wanted to lose 40 more pounds. I was falling in LOVE with being able to MOVE; running specifically had captured my heart.

I was loving the active life I was building! 

We were introduced randomly at work. ‘Hey you both run. You know each other right?’ 

(Me at 200 pounds and teaching myself to begin to run, being introduced to a tall, thin, fit, very obviously a runner-looking dude…)

Spencer said ‘You run!’

I stuttered back something intelligent and confident like ‘UH
 I’m NOT THAT kind of runner
 Not like you can obviously run. I’m really, really slow. I just wanna be able to run a mile without walking…’

Spencer said “It’s cool you run! Let’s grab coffee and talk about running.’

So we did.

I explained how I had gotten to the point of wanting to become a runner; mega weight loss, getting off insulin. Lifestyle changes, NOT diet.

I confessed I couldn’t run more than a mile or two. But I still told him my heart’s desire; I wanted to run an ultra someday. Did he even know what the heck I was talking about? Spencer, with a grin, said ‘Yeah. I’ve heard of them.’  ‘Do you really think someone like me could run an ultra?’  ‘Absolutely.’

Heard of them? Geez. Turns out he had RUN them!

The ultra world isn’t very big. With DUMB luck I had just stumbled into someone who KNEW about them. More importantly to me? He was only the second or third person to greet my ‘ultra’ goal with a POSITIVE response and not the now-standard ‘YOU are crazy.’

He asked me what I was doing to train. I told him; LOTS. I was running and biking and hiking and weight lifting and doing boot camp classes.  If a little is good, a lot is better. Right?!

Spencer said ‘You’re doing a lot. Be careful and maybe look at some structure to keep from getting hurt’.

My brain shut down at his words of caution… 

I was SO, so, so tired of everyone preaching caution AT ME on this journey. Diabetes was trying to KILL me. Caution seemed stupid. Couldn’t people see I was ACTUALLY going to win this war against diabetes if everyone would just get THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY?!!!

Turns out that I was JUST about to reach a very real breaking point…

June 2013 I literally hit the ground. I passed out in Safeway. An off-duty fireman walking toward me saw the impending train wreck and broke my fall…

I wound up in the ER.

Exhaustion and potassium depletion was what they finally told me. ‘Hang up your running shoes for a few weeks and give your body a break..’

I met Spencer for coffee again a few days after my visit to the ER — wearing a portable EKG/heart monitor. I was defeated, scared to death I was going to lose my foothold on this new lifestyle.

I was ready to LISTEN.

I needed help.

I really wanted to be a runner.

Blacking-out scared the crap out of me. I clearly did NOT know what in the hell I was doing. At all. I asked Spencer about structure. And preventing this from happening again. And coaching.

Spencer was not coaching anyone at that point. He was insistent about it.

After some additional conversations; I flat-out begged him to consider working with me. Some more conversations? He agreed we could give coaching a try for a short period of time.

Fast forward 18 months.

Spencer is still my coach. 🙂

There has been lots of cussing and learning and sassy moments as I struggled to be OK with trusting someone else to help me on this journey.

I had to learn to accept that Spencer really was on my side.

Please understand; that statement is NOT a judgement on Spencer. THIS whole journey of changing your entire lifestyle..?  It can be lonely and hard. You get used to doing a lot of this stuff on your own, without crowd approval or understanding or support from anyone beyond a small handful of trusted friends.

To invite Spencer into this journey and then give him some portion of involvement and control was a very BIG step for me.

I ditched the heart monitor after a TON of tests. I got a totally clean bill of health after a period of serious rest. I had permission to start back to exercising and running – slowly and cautiously.

I started back from my ‘crash’ working with Spencer as my coach. Our goal? He was going to help me re-build in a healthy, sustainable, safe way.

The trial period worked out.

He hasn’t fired me. (Yet.)

And… I ran my first 50K this past weekend.

That is my heart-monitor to 50K program in 18 months story.

Or as I have been calling it this week..?!?

‘Coach to 50K’. 🙂

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Thanks for not firing me Spencer… 🙂