I am not a journaling kind of girl.
Yet, for some odd reason, when I started this lifestyle journey more than four years ago; I felt strongly compelled to start writing things down.
I had no road map and I KNEW I was headed somewhere totally new. So I followed my gut feeling and started writing in a journal.
These books are deeply personal and have become cherished time capsules of my adventures. They also happen to be largely a chaotic mess and perfectly inconsistent. 🙂
They were never written or designed for anyone else to see…
Race bibs crookedly taped in. Notes people have lovingly written to me stuck in random pages. Cryptic and short hand notes about blood sugar readings and countdowns of units of insulin scratched in the margins. Reminders to stay focused. Indications I was elated, terrified, frustrated. LOTS of numbers; weight, blood sugar, insulin units, running paces. Pictures taped in that SHOW my story.
I am not a fan of spending a lot of time looking back. Having said that, sometimes you really do need a dose of perspective. A solid reminder, from your own point of view, of all the work you’ve done, all the good that’s happened, how hard you’ve fought for progress or change.
Collectively these journals remind me how excruciatingly small, but critical, some of the steps really were.
These pages also remind me that I was intent – from the very beginning – on building a new lifestyle. A sustainable lifestyle.
This was never about a diet. Or about losing weight. Or even about running.
This was always about trying to find health and LIFE and learning to be in love with being active.
I feel oddly grounded with these books in my hands and my eyes on their pages.
They contain my dreams and goals and hopes and wild longings…
I want to run. On trails. Actually, I want to be fit enough to do anything active if I’m lucky enough to be invited.
I want to wear normal sized clothes. Cute, fun, sexy, NORMAL sized clothes.
I want to learn to eat only when I’m physically hungry and my body is asking me for healthy food.
I want to be alive and healthy to watch my nephews grow up.
I want to reverse type 2 diabetes.
My journals never mocked or hesitated or questioned or doubted. They never shot down my goals with reality. 🙂
My journal pages have captured my thoughts and emotions and hopes.
And I am so, so glad that I have them.
The gift of perspective is priceless.
Do you keep a journal?!!