I can’t eat that. It’s not on my diet.
As soon as you utter those words, someone will instantly search for a way to ‘help’ you get around the ‘can’t’.
Can’t means restrictions, deprivations.
It means something is unfair or that you MUST be unhappy.
Can’t is a signal word that others respond to, usually in a sympathetic or negative way. They want to fight for you, convince you otherwise, remove the barrier…
‘Quit saying you can’t.
Quit saying it’s a diet.
It’s a lifestyle, it’s a choice.
Quit feeling like you have to defend your choices to everyone. It’s none of their business.’ — Wade
One of the biggest AH-HA! moments for me was when I finally HEARD what Wade was telling me.
I started practicing and learning NOT to defend or explain. I worked on believing in and stating my choices.
I started trying to help others understand I wasn’t being defensive simply by intentionally choosing different words to talk about my relationship with food…
Words. Who knew? 🙂
When I’m at an event and have limited choices, or I’m being offered cake (trigger food of all trigger foods for me…) or I’m fueling very carefully for a race/event…
Thanks! I’m choosing not to eat that right now…
So far, in the last 18 months of my word experiment; no one has really argued with me. When I said ‘can’t’ — people argued with me, questioned me all the time.
Now they respond with something like ‘OK! It’s over here/there if you change your mind.’ Or ‘can I get you something else?’
The conversation is totally different.
They don’t pressure me, they don’t fight my CHOICE, they don’t try to convince me otherwise. They seem to simply respect that I am doing what I WANT to do.
SUCH a magic trick!
And it ONLY takes words!
‘Can’t’ and ‘have to’… Or ‘my choice’ and ‘get to’…
Which conversation would you rather be in?