Exercise

‘Maybe you just need to poop…’

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 3 Comments
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Wade. Blunt, honest and supportive. And he looks great in a bow tie. 🙂

I remember calling Wade about a year into this journey when I hit a really rough patch.

I told him I had been PERFECT for weeks on end (dramatic sigh!), ate perfectly, exercised daily and I had gained weight… (whiny disbelief, verge of tears…)

Pissed off despair would be an accurate description of my emotional state.  He had seen it several times.

His job was to talk me back onto solid ground…

Wade patiently listened for a bit and then said something like;

“You’re not just doing this for today. You know that.

Your work will show up on the scale next week or the week after if you keep at it.

And maybe the weight gain is just because you need to s*&%.

And *&%$ing breathe. Just breathe Bets.”

(This is how Wade remembers the conversations as well. 🙂 )

I have the benefit of some distance, perspective and without a DOUBT, I have a certain amount of selective memory about this whole lifestyle journey I have been on.

I know that.

When I think about WHY I hung in when things got crappy (pun intended) it was largely because I had some strategies that I used to get through the rough and trying times.

I was FOCUSED on reversing type 2 diabetes.  No doubt.  That was the driving force. But sometimes you just need something smaller, something you can get your hands and mind around when you are overwhelmed with chasing down a REALLY big goal…

These strategies work most (but not all!) of the time to keep me focused and motivated on some level. I think they are worth suggesting JUST in case one of them happens to work for someone else…

1. Incentive/trade-offs. What would you do with that handful of cash that you did NOT spend on fast food?  Buy a new jacket, running shoes, go somewhere fun?! Knowing I was trading off McDonalds for Maui really worked for me…

2. Goals.  Once I signed up for my first race/event I was not going to waste the money by not being ready. Signing up for a race/event gives me something aspirational and fun to focus on. Then taking the additional step of telling some friends or the entire world of Facebook (depending on your bravery) ups the accountability factor.

3. Phone a friend.  A friend who has permission to be honest with you, who knows about your journey within the context of your life.  NOT to (just) whine and moan and complain. But for voiced perspective on WHY you’re fighting this battle. The right friend can remind you that you might just need to poop to solve all of your problems. 🙂

4. Look (briefly) to your past. Take stock of where you ARE and where you have BEEN. We typically do NOT see the subtle, daily, positive changes. Sometimes it’s the gentle, visual nudge you need to just to look at an old picture.  I look at this:

248231_10150320004126258_5696017_nHannah took this picture in an iris garden that was in full bloom and we had such a GREAT DAY! But I can clearly see all of the weight in my face. That red hooded sweater was my favorite and was a size 26/28.  I know I weighed 250ish.  I know I was on insulin, sticking myself 3 times a day. I KNEW then that my life would have to change or diabetes was going to win.  Yet I was so overwhelmed with the idea of where to start losing 100+ pounds that I was doing nothing and HOPING this would all just go away and I would wake up magically thin and fit…

Posted next to this…

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And I can SEE the difference.

No guessing. No selective memory. 🙂

I know what I had to do to get to this point.

I’m having a great time, randomly ran into Hannah and Jeff in the middle of the forest while we were all enjoying an activity I never even knew existed 3 years ago.  Trail running?! Who knew?!

Before, during and after pictures remind me that even if I am not where I want to be, I have still made undeniable, positive progress.  Big or small.  Progress, is progress.

Incentives, goals, strategies, trusted friends.

I know that none of this is new. These are ALL old, time-tested tactics that work. But this is my gentle reminder to think about putting them to work for YOU. 🙂

So, please TELL me what incentives you have lined up, or the goals you have set or what a friend has done to keep you focused and positive.

I would really, truly LOVE to hear your stories!  Really!

#lifeisgood

(The crap in the middle.)

~ betsyhartley392 ~ Leave a comment
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Wendie, Bets. June 2014, Timothy Lake/Mt. Hood 50 Miler.  We were crewing for Josh as he ran 50 miles. 🙂

My friend Wendie and I were having coffee last week. Chattering excitedly about the EPIC plans all of our friends have for 2015.

And getting pedicures. 🙂

I asked her for some honest feedback on this whole adventure of blogging.

‘You have been writing about the fun stuff, the happiness, the A-Z success, the highlights.

You really need to talk about the ugly, hard stuff, the sad stuff, the things that make people quit and give up.

People need to know they are not alone.

They need to know about the crap in the middle.’

She said I should consider talk about the stuff NO ONE WANTS to really talk about…  Not even just the embarrassing stuff, which usually makes for at least a great story or laugh at some point.

She said to tackle the DAILY GRIND. The things that easily erode away confidence. Or stop you in your tracks if you have to battle it too many times. The things that fatigue you or plant nagging self-doubt.

Steep learning curves when all you want is SOMETHING to be familiar and NOT so damned hard…

You with me?

The stuff that sucks.

This is the stuff that I battled intently, intensely and consistently this time around.

This is also the exact listing of where I was derailed in EVERY past attempt I made on a ‘diet’ or exercise regime.

This is the crap that was in the middle of my journey…

  1. I was NOT going to talk about my fat rolls and bulk and weight and the problems they were causing when I tried to exercise, with anyone. Chafing, motion control, infections, back strains. I suffered in embarrassed and humiliated silence for a VERY long time. Shame. Deep shame.
  2. Life felt unfair. Going to bed hungry, feeling overwhelmed and alone. Usually a little pissed off that ‘normal people’ could eat whatever they wanted. Meanwhile I was a freaking air fern that could gain weight by SMELLING cookies baking.
  3. Type 2 Diabetes. TRYING to get off of insulin. Having to add more back in. Endless finger sticks. Lows that made me an unbearable, cranky, bratty turd. Trying to eat the right thing at the right time and not be over calories for the day.
  4. Being so sore from exercising that I literally thought something was broken or ruined.
  5. Going to social events and choosing NOT to eat what everyone else was eating. And then trying HARD not to look awkward or sad or out of sorts.
  6. Chronic food pushers/saboteurs.
  7. Not seeing results. Restricting calories and the scale not moving for days and weeks. Walking further and not finding it any easier. Doing the same things as my friends and they were having success. Me…? Not at all…
  8. Wanting to quit. Feeling overwhelmed. Knowing there was NO END IN SIGHT. Ever. These habits had to be ‘for life’.
  9. Food was spot on. Measured and counted everything. Exercised every single day. Drank water. Good blood sugars.  I did everything I was supposed to be doing.  Scale said I was UP.  *Insert scream of rage/despair here*.
  10. Scale dictating my mood and my feelings of success. I would become a thundercloud of despair because I was up half or a full pound on any given day.
  11. Revert to comfortable habits when the rest of life was out of control. Cheat on my OWN rules. And then face frustration or panic because I KNEW this was not behavior that would lead me anywhere but BACKWARD…

I know I am NOT alone in my listing  of ‘sucky’ things…  I’ve talked to too many people.

Please… Tell me what’s missing from my list that is on your list?  What is the crap in the middle of your journey?

And once we know what were facing and struggling against…  How do we fight back and WIN?

I have to be honest and admit that I still struggle with most of these on some level. I am not an expert. BUT, I am an extrovert, with some sass and a few personal experiences that I am not too embarrassed to share.  So I will share. 🙂

I promised Wendie that we would get conversations started about battling the crap in the middle.

Stay tuned.

Everyday is a new day. You have to start over every single day. No matter how effing hard it is, you fight through it and you start fresh the next day.    — Wendie

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Out kicking it on a run… Don’t remember when or where. But we were moving. And sweating And smiling. Who cares about the details? 🙂

Telephone poles.

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Running my first 5K in 2013.

  ‘HOW did you learn how to run?’

This past week a woman I have met a few times confronted me for details.

She wants to run a Disney Half Marathon and has never run before. She LOVES Disney and is using that for motivation to get started on some lifestyle changes.

She asked me how to get started running.

I said the generic, supportive things like ‘take the training slow’, ‘get good shoes’, ‘look on-line for one of the Disney training plans’ and ‘you can do this!’

She listened and then said…

‘Yes… Betsy. I GET that it will take a while to learn to run any distance, and that I can’t give up… BUT HOW DID YOU ACTUALLY START RUNNING?’  (She was speaking in all caps at this point. 🙂 )

I had to really think back to what it was like when I took those first awkward, shuffling steps…

It started with driveways and telephone poles. 

I had been walking with focus and intent for several months and was working on walking faster and longer distances. I’d walked several 10K’s at that point.

I live in the farm country. From our farm to the stop sign is 2.43 miles round trip.  Five houses on the road, one annoying dog, some railroad tracks.  The roads are usually empty.

When I finally decided I wanted to learn how to run, I picked a short distance and gave it a shot. I planned to jog between two telephone poles on our road.

I made it across the width of our neighbors driveway.

That’s it.

Those telephone poles suddenly seemed MILES and miles apart.

I jogged the driveway and then I walked to the stop sign. And when I got back to our neighbors driveway I forced myself to jog back across.

The next few days and weeks I forced myself to add a few running steps each day.

By the next month I was struggling, but I was jogging between those freaking telephone poles.

I had a huge grin on my face.

I was not discouraged. And that’s probably the question I get asked the most when I tell this story.  “Man, you must have been so discouraged to have such slow progress…’

That question really offended me at first.

I had moments of wondering what in the hell I was doing. For sure. No doubt.

Do NOT forget that I wanted, was working very hard to create, a whole new lifestyle. And I was being chased by diabetes. I was in a very real race for MY LIFE.  You could say I was motivated.

The fact that it took me a month to hit my initial goal of jogging between telephone poles?  I saw it as victory that I didn’t give up, NOT discouraged with the time it took to get to that goal.

I just wanted to jog between those two stupid telephone poles and be able to say I did it. And I eventually nailed my goal. 🙂

But then I didn’t stop with the telephone poles. I kept looking for new landmarks.

I remember the first time I ran all the way to the stop sign.

And then the time I ran to the stop sign and BACK.

I just kept picking landmarks and made a game out of pushing myself to get there as fast and best I could.

Those first physical steps were really, truly that small.

That is how I started running. 🙂

And for the record? I still play the landmark game when I’m pushing to something new, or I am tired or struggling…  Just get to that bend in the road, that tree, that rock in the road, just one more step… 

It works every time. 🙂

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Starting the 13.1 of the Pacific Crest Endurance Duathlon June 2014. Getting love and encouragement from my friend Wendie as I head out. 🙂

Fake belly button.

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 5 Comments
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I have 10 pounds of loose skin along for this run.

‘Did you have loose skin after you lost weight?!’

When you weigh a lot (392 pounds) and lose a lot of weight (230 pounds), you wind up with excess skin.

In my case, it was almost all belly skin.

Skin is elastic, but NOT that elastic. Especially when it was stretched out for 20+ years.

Turns out that loose skin is actually a big problem and not just because of how it looks.

My belly flap of skin hung to the top of my thighs.

Loose skin develops its own inertia which means I had to become an expert in compression gear if I wanted to do anything other than stand upright or walk casually. 🙂  Tanks, shorts, girdles, ace bandages, Spanx. You name it.  It was a daily task to figure out how to stay active and keep the loose skin from hurting me.

I was developing arthritis in my spine from the skin pulling on my lower back.

I had chronic infections and abrasions on the loose skin of my belly.

I wore size 16 pants JUST to accommodate the extra skin. (Day after surgery I was in a size 12, even with 18 pounds of swelling, drains and wearing the surgical girdle.)

I tried every potion, cream, gizmo I could in hopes that the skin would magically shrink back.

FINALLY my sister drug me to a cosmetic surgeon. He gently told me NOTHING would make the skin retract.  The only cure was removal. The surgery was a tough one.

It was not covered by insurance even though I had documented back issues and chronic skin issues. (Insurance wound up covering part of it when the surgeon uncovered 3 significant abdominal hernias DURING surgery.)

I talked to my family and friends to make sure they were supportive. I saved every penny. Talked to other patients who had done the surgery.

Asked Spencer to help me get as fit as possible. I kept being told fitness was tied to good healing and a quicker recovery.

On 11/20/13 I had a procedure called a ‘Full Body Lift’.

It was an 8 hour surgery. I have a 360 degree scar that goes around my waist at the ‘bikini’ line.  They also rebuilt the abdominal wall as part of the surgery.

They removed just shy of 10 pounds of excess skin.

I had over a thousand stitches in my abdominal wall, which now has 4 vertical ‘pleats’. I had internal stitches the circumference of my hip line and then the incision was glued externally.  I had stitches in my newly crafted belly button. They repaired 3 hernias.

The doc said I was healing from ‘massive tissue trauma and disruption.’

I used the word OUCH a lot. Often paired with a cuss word. 🙂

They cut the skin at the pelvic/hip line and all the skin covering my ribs and upper belly, waist and back basically got pulled down – tight. I am REALLY simplifying it, but you get the idea.

I lost my belly button – which I find highly amusing.  I told the doc I didn’t care if I had a belly button, he said I needed one or I would look like a ‘Who’ from ‘Whoville’. 🙂

He built me a fake belly button.

It’s an innie. 🙂

My hips and the incision line are STILL totally numb well over a year later. I am told the feeling may never return.

I had 3 drains on the incision line for several weeks. Yup. It was as UNCOMFORTABLE and hard to manage, as you would imagine. It was a great day when those suckers got pulled out.

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About 18 hours post surgery. You can see the drains. I was up right after surgery and walking. I was hunched forward, which was my posture for about 6 weeks. As miserable as I was, I was already asking when I would be allowed to run. 🙂 (Photo credit Jill Kelleher, best nurse ever!)

I have to be honest.  In the early phases of healing from this surgery I was SURE I had made a horrible, terrible mistake… It was simply a brutal experience. No other way to explain it. Pain like I had never had to deal with. Right after surgery I may or may not have texted a few friends asking them to come kill me…  Maybe.  I’m glad none of them listened.

Thankfully, my regrets didn’t last too long…

I had a flawless recovery. A few minor infections – but nothing major.  The doc kept telling me it was because I had a healthy diet, perfectly controlled blood sugar and had taken the time to get in shape for the surgery.

This surgery has a high complication rate and is known for difficult, prolonged healing because of the 360 degree incision.

I avoided all of the major complications. 🙂

It was worth it.

All of it.

One of my goals from this surgery?  To be able to throw on a sports bra and shorts and just go RUN…

I could not even begin to imagine that kind of FREEDOM!!!   NOT having all this excess skin? Not having to worry about compression gear and infections and chafing and a belly flap of skin beating me to death? Just throwing on basic gear and going for a RUN?!?

This summer my friends Wendie and Josh invited me to go to Bend to run. Wendie KNEW I had this silly, but heart-felt goal of literally running in just my sports bra…

So we went to run a fabulous stretch of trail to Tumelo Falls.  (Wendie picked this spot, 2+ hours from home so we would NOT run into anyone we knew.)

I finally got brave and hot and sweaty enough about 45 minutes in on the run to FINALLY get rid of my shirt… I may have cried.  Just a little. 🙂

It was an incredible feeling to run with nothing but the basics.  Just because I FINALLY could.

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HELL of a trail run! We did try to convince Josh to run in just a sports bra.  🙂

To say that this surgery changed my life is an understatement.

Nowadays?  I and my fake belly button are free to just grab my favorite running clothes and a pair of shoes and GO run… Anytime. Anywhere.

Dream come true. 🙂

#runhappy #lifeisgood #novoveritas

Sports bras and coffee: A supportive friendship. (Guest blog, Taryn)

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Taryn and Bets. Friendship started over a cup of coffee. There have been MANY cups of coffee between then and now. 🙂

Taryn is a registered dietitian, athlete, sports bra expert 🙂 and friend.  Grab a cup of coffee and meet my friend Taryn…

As Betsy has alluded to in a previous blog post (Bra runs amok), we originally met through her fear of asking her running coach, Spencer, advice on buying a sports bra after multiple bra-related mishaps.

Call it fate, call it whatever you want, but if sports bras are what originally brought us together then I am forever indebted to those innocuous little pieces of clothing that are so much more than bits of dry-fit fabric and elastic. {Insert little cheer for sports bras HERE! Guys, sorry you don’t quite understand.}

So, after that introduction, let me share a little bit of our story…

After being introduced to Betsy via Spencer over email, and many, MANY emails and personal details later (overshare on the internet to a stranger? Nah), we agreed to meet for coffee.

Betsy shared her story to lose weight and reverse Type 2 Diabetes, which was instantly intriguing to me. I should also mention, I’m a Registered Dietitian with a specialty in sports nutrition. In my few years of practicing as a dietitian, I’d heard a few stories here and there of people who had lost large amounts of weight but never actually met someone who did it solely through healthy lifestyle changes: EAT LESS (or more, high quality, nutrient dense foods ☺), MOVE MORE.

I soon realized, this woman is freakin’ AWESOME and hilarious. And by “soon” I mean about 5 minutes after taking my first sip of coffee with her. I just had to learn more about her journey! I think the feeling was mutual though, as we both saw there was more to be gained by this introduction than just sports bras…

So she began to tell me about her quest to revamp her lifestyle (which she was already deep into at this point) and her new idea to run an ultra. Had I ever heard of such a thing? Why yes, I had in fact just run an ultra ☺.

And so began what might be called the second phase of our journey together…learning to fuel for exercise, specifically long duration exercise.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: “What do you do for fueling during your long runs?” (we’re talking like 2+ hours here)

Betsy: * blank stare * (she might have been speechless for maybe the first time in our entire relationship 😉

When I suggested that she should try fueling during her runs, I could almost read her thoughts: “why the F would I EAT something while running?!?!?!” To put it mildly, at this point, Betsy was still very much in the “diabetic carb-phobic, use exercise for weight loss” phase.

If she wanted to run an ultra, and not just grudgingly finish, but enjoy the experience (a HUGE factor in sticking with any form of exercise: enjoyment!!!), fueling during her longer runs would be a necessity. Bonking + being hangry = a bad combo, and best avoided.

Fast-forward countless more coffee dates (and maybe a few carb-tantrums…) later, I have been fortunate to witness a small part of Betsy’s mindset transformation from carb-fearful to understanding the role of proper portion size of high-quality carbohydrates (think fruits, vegetables and whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, etc) in her everyday life, during exercise, and for post-exercise recovery.

If you ask me, meeting over sports bras took down a lot of the barriers that are sometimes initially there in the beginnings of a friendship when you’re thinking: “Can I tell this person this story? What will they think of me?…” I mean, let’s be real, how many of your friends can you openly and honestly share stories about gut issues while running and pooping in the woods with no shame? (Note: if you’re a runner, that doesn’t apply to you). That might have happened on maybe our third or fourth coffee date… Just go right ahead and smash those barriers.

When I think about it, I’ve only known Betsy for about a year and a half but it feels like so much more. Not only have I gained a lifetime friend that we can be authentically open and honest with each other, but it’s a supportive friendship at that.

Get the pun? 😉

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Trail run at Peavy last March. Taryn KNOWS the trails. Her mind is a map. I would still be running in circles trying to find the Bonzai trail had she not been there. 🙂

Miles. (Wade, Guest blogger)

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Wade and Betsy

Meet Wade!  Not sure how much of an introduction he really needs.  His post perfectly describes the strength and fabric of our friendship.

He is one of the people who has been with me through this entire journey.  He knew me at my heaviest.  He was the very first person I told when I decided that I was going to get started saving my own life…

I could not have done this without him.  You’ll see that for yourself.

It’s all yours Wade…

Miles…

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

~ Lao Tzu


January 27, 2013 at 12:12am (EST)

Betsy: “Think about something… HOW would you even begin to go about the permitting processes for a NAKED 5K? Logistical nightmare.”

That is approximately the 3,700th Facebook message between Betsy and I. She sent it to me, it was the first message in the conversation that day… Nudity, logistics, running… Somehow it is a perfect representation of our relationship.

We’ve known each other since late 2007. Since that time we have amassed over 4,000 Facebook messages, an unknowable number of text messages, and hours on the phone.

September 17, 2009 at 1:16am (EDT)

Betsy: “We have 142 friends in common. I didn’t know I had 142 friends. I just noticed that little factoid on FB. 142 is a lot.”

142 is a lot, it’s 46 friends fewer than we have in common now, and it’s also 92 less than pounds lost on this journey…

Think about the last substantial road trip you shared with friends, you learned something about each other. You saw the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hilarious. And at the end, hopefully you are better for it. AND there is always more to the road trip than gets reported when you are showing off photos…

Betsy’s journey so far has covered many miles but what six years of Facebook messages revealed is that it really did begin with the first step…

Monday, May 24, 2010 at 4:52pm (EDT)

I’m gonna lose 25 pounds. When I do – I’m buying this (a Tiffany Bracelet). And I’m not telling ANYONE but you. Not my dad. Not my sister. And I don’t want you checking in on me. Just wanted someone to kinda/sorta hold me accountable… I want the bracelet.

There may have been little steps before this one, but this was the one, the shot across the bow. When Betsy brings up Tiffany you know it’s serious. It was followed a few days later by an email and subsequent message that she was joining Weight Watchers. While the bulk of the message was the how, the important part was this:

Monday, May 31, 2010 at 11:51pm (EDT)

Weight Watchers starts tomorrow. (Actually – I’ve been doing it most of the weekend, just because I’m that ready to get going.) Attaching the link — so you can see the basics of the program… All good stuff. And yes — I’m that much of a brat that I need to pay someone to tell me the things I already know. Snacks packed for tomorrow. Lunch packed too. I’m gonna do it this time Wade. I really, really want to. I really, really intend to. Wish me luck…

And then a week later this:

Monday, June 7 at 12:10pm (EDT)

Betsy: Weight watchers not working… This is what other folks have used and been successful on. What do you think?

Wade: I think you need to give it more than a week…

Betsy: Walking to a full sweat each day. And I’ve gained 8 pounds in 8 days. Am I just doomed to be fat??? This is so discouraging.

I’ve never done anything like what Betsy has done, many of us haven’t, and god willing won’t have to. I can’t fully understand what it takes to make that kind of a lifestyle change (this is just eating and exercising, just wait until you find out what losing that much weight does with your skin…).

The one thing these messages show is that it is not easy.

Just as with any journey there are bumps in the road (or concrete barriers). But if you manage to crawl (yes crawl) over them then you can get to this:

November 16, 2010 at 4:37pm (EST)

So — I’ve been dropping down on my insulin and the most HAPPY, exciting thing has happened… I’m not as hungry. I’ve lost about 2 pounds. Which I know isn’t a big deal – but the decrease in appetite is HUGE NEWS. My doc gave me the approval to try to get my numbers of insulin waaaaay down and after a bit of a mixed-result start — I think it’s going to work. Less insulin = less hungry = less Betsy… 🙂

And then you get to this:

August 2, 2011 at 12:22am (EDT) … (YES we have odd message times)

Diet this time is odd…I’m solidly happy and committed.

I’m walking 2 miles a day.

It took over a year to go from almost a meltdown when the latest diet didn’t work, to being solidly happy, committed and walking 2 miles a day. 2 miles is a far cry from a 50k, but it’s a hell of a lot better than a burger, fries, and large coke at the drive through on the way home.

There are a lot more steps and milestones in our years of conversation, like when Betsy decided to sign up for a 5k, and then discovered good running shoes. Or when she said she actually enjoyed vegetables.

What I think this shows (I really don’t know much, but this is a blog so I must be right) is that Betsy’s blog posts cover up some of the details. It takes seeing the day-in-day-out conversations to realize just how much work this really takes.

So whether you’re setting out to lose weight, get in shape, or just eat healthier, remember that at one point our fitness freak, Betsy Hartley, was melting down because she gained weight on Weight Watchers.

For the record she stuck with it and it worked, but it was not always rainbows and trail runs…

The journey of a thousand miles may begin with the first step, but, if you don’t keep walking you’re not going to make it very far.

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Pacific Crest Endurance Triathlon (Wade) and Duathlon (Betsy). 2014. We signed up a year ahead – and spent the year being training partners at a distance. Wade in DC, Bets in OR. Friendship and support knows no bounds. 🙂

Can’t is NOT a word.

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 4 Comments
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Liz and I on her wedding day! I’m between 280-320 pounds. Liz was marrying the man of her dreams. SUCH a happy day!  I still love this picture.

“I can’t eat that.  It’s not on my diet.”

I have a resolution for you to consider.

It’s simple.  (...I did not say easy…)

It does NOT require you to hit the gym, stop eating your favorite food or make sweeping lifestyle changes. (Unless that’s what you have in mind. 🙂 )

It has to do with how you to talk about your life, your choices.

WORDS MATTER.

When I was FIRST starting on this journey, I would find myself in any situation that involved food and immediately feel the need to proactively defend myself/my choices.  “I can’t eat that.  It’s not on my diet.”

That provokes ALL kinds of responses from people; most re-enforce the negative response I just put out there…

‘I couldn’t do your diet’,  ‘Just one bite won’t hurt’, I even got one ‘Ugh. Your LIFE sucks.’

I had a critical mental shift early on this journey, thanks to a conversation with my friend, Liz.  She’s my life-long, cheerleader, butt-kick-when-I-need-it kind of best friend.  Everyone should be lucky enough to have a Liz.

I was telling Liz about some experiences I had had and that people weren’t as supportive of what I was doing as I had hoped. She said…

‘You chose this. You KNOW you can do it.  You don’t have to ask for permission. You don’t have to defend what you choose to do to anyone.’

Fast forward about two months from that early conversation; She was right. Dodging social invitations or avoiding ALL of my friends wasn’t sustainable. Relying on other people to support or be OK with what I was doing was NOT the answer either.

This was all me. My fight, my life, my choices. And when I really got to thinking about it…?  The core issue was actually pretty simple:

I needed to start by changing my language.

If I changed how I talked about my choices (food, diabetes, exercise, ALL of it!), maybe I could set people up to respond more positively to what I was trying to do…?

So I tested it out. I started saying…

“I choose not to eat that right now, but thank you.”

Funny.  Nobody really seemed to argue with me when I said it was my choice…

I mean they might argue, but they seemed less likely to argue than when I was proclaiming unhappy absolutes. Most folks will instinctively or intellectually argue against a restriction. Life just shouldn’t be about restrictions and cant’s and not-getting to’s.

But when you alert folks that this is a choice. I CHOOSE… I get to and want to… People usually respond accordingly. I found that they overwhelmingly responded with support when I stated things in the positive.

Talking in the positive does some amazing things to your thinking as well. I have better resolve. A better attitude. I am more persistent and stubborn.  ALL of that continues to get stronger when I changed the way I was talking about my choices.

With cementing lifestyle changes –  it’s really our brain we have to convince and keep babysitting. 🙂

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

And if Henry Ford isn’t a credible enough source for you…

‘Can’t is NOT a word.’ – Hannah O’Leary 

Don’t take my word for it; try it out!

It’s a subtle and simple resolution that takes some practice. TAKE charge of your words. Make them positive and strong. People will respond by supporting you.

And best of all?  Your brain will follow. 🙂

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Bets and Liz.  LOVE YOU LIZ!

Bra runs amok

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 6 Comments
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Marie, me, Mary, and Anneke. Tour de Outback bike ride in Lakeview Oregon in 2012. First bike ride event for me, SO FUN!

Women who are active and endowed with certain ‘charms’ need GOOD sports bras.

No way around it.

I have become somewhat of an expert on sports bras since deciding I wanted to live an active life. Let’s call it necessity. Or self defense. 🙂

Let me tell you a story…

My friend Anneke TOLD me several times early in my lifestyle-change journey that I needed to get a ‘good sports bra’.  Her exact words to me were ‘Betsy. DO NOT run to Walmart and buy a cheap, uni-boob, stretchy sports bra. They don’t provide support. Spend the money and buy a decent one.”

I was losing weight and was NOT going to spend $50 on a bra that would not fit in less than 2 months.

So I ran to Walmart and bought TWO cheap, uni-boob, stretchy sports bras. I did NOT tell Anneke what I had done. (I’m guessing that RIGHT ABOUT NOW she has figured it out.. 🙂 )

Prior to figuring out they made sports bras in larger sizes or that I really did need a special bra for running/jumping/moving?  I was doubling up my regular bras, a very COMMON practice for larger busted/overweight women. I have a feeling I am the only one dumb enough to publicly admit to this practice.

But, you do what you have to do.

Anyway, I signed up for a bootcamp class led by another friend, Amy. Her fitness bootcamp classes are well known in our area for being really fun and a welcoming spot for all abilities. About 75-100 people in a gym all jumping and moving and sweating. Fantastic music. Everyone having a great time for an intense hour of cardio.

I and my new sports bra went to her class.

About 15 minutes in — we do something called a burpee.

Variations abound, BUT the basic concept is: You start by standing up straight, quickly drop to a push-up position, do an actual push-up, hop back up quickly and then with your hands over your head — you jump for the sky.  Repeat multiple times. Fast, fluid, strong.

I did the push-up part of the burpee and when we got to the ‘jump for the sky’ part…

All hell broke loose.

When I landed, the girls unceremoniously tumbled out of the bottom of the handy-dandy sports bra…

The CHEAP piece of crap bra then proceeded to quickly and tightly roll itself up toward my neck.

Kind of like an old fashioned window shade.

So… Standing in the back of Amy’s class with everyone doing burpees… I am being choked by my bra.

AND my boobs are very decidedly NOT in the bra.

I am a sweaty mess. In a form fitting workout shirt. Boobs loose. Bra choking me.

I tried to discreetly unravel the bra from my neck and armpits… It became obvious that it was NOT going to happen…

At this point I’m on the verge of hysterical laughter…  Not tears.  I KNOW full well that this is damn funny and totally stupid.

But I also have NO real clue how to undo this holy-freaking-sweaty mess without having to walk through what feels like 1,000 people to the bathroom on the other side of the gym which now feels bigger than a football field.

I have no choice.

I crossed my arms and made a red-faced hobble/dash for the safety of the bathroom.  I got everything put back where it belonged. I quickly went back out to the class and gave it half-hearted gusto. Keeping my arms GLUED strategically to my sides. 🙂

I got home and promptly tossed BOTH bras in the trash can with some creative language thrown in to make me feel better. I silently vowed NEVER to tell a word of this story to Anneke. Ever.

I immediately set out on a mission to find a better sports bra so that I could keep going to bootcamp with Amy.

Over the next year or so I tried EVERY bra they made in my size. Varying degrees of success.  Mercifully there were no more epic, public failures. 🙂

About a year later, I was whole-heartedly trying to learn to run. And it was – uh – apparent that I would need a REALLY good sports bra.  Better than the ones I had found on my own at that point. I needed one that had exceptional motion control, would protect my back and would not chafe me.

I asked Spencer (running coach) to please connect me with any of the local female athletes he knew so i could ask them a question.  He introduced me to Taryn.

Taryn is an athlete and dietician. She also happened to be working at a running store.  A quick email to her with far too many personal details and within a day or two she had me in a GREAT sports/running bra. One I could RUN, jump, move around in with NO ISSUES! It fit perfectly! To this VERY day that bra has never betrayed me. And I’ve put it to the test. 🙂

What I learned from all of this was:

  • Sports bras really do come in all sizes. ALL sizes. It may cost you, but remember what it could cost you NOT to have a good bra. 🙂  Pay the money and get a good one.
  • Ask your local RUNNING store for help.  Guy, girl – NO matter.  Those folks in running stores have heard it all.  And runners have to have some of the best motion control on the planet.
  • On a similar note… Yoga bras and some of the other fun/cutesy bras are not necessarily serious about keeping the girls locked down and in place during high impact sports. ($58 bucks for the TaTaTamer and it does not tame the Ta Ta’s.)
  • Read reviews on websites. Large busted women/over weight women have compassion for their well-endowed sisters and will usually post what the issues/benefits are in pretty plain language.

So the moral of this story?

Burpees are bad for you. (KIDDING! Amy I’m kidding!)

Listen to your friends who are speaking from hard-earned experience.

Invest in a good sports bra. 🙂

Coach to 50K

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 2 Comments
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Spencer and I after The North Face Endurance Challenge, CA 12/2014.

You’ve heard of couch to 5K, the running/training app?

How about heart-monitor to 50K in 18 months?

No?

You haven’t heard of it?!?

Well, then let me tell you a story…

I met Spencer when I was super focused and quite a ways into my lifestyle re-vamp. I was down to 200 pounds and off insulin. I was working to get off all other meds and wanted to lose 40 more pounds. I was falling in LOVE with being able to MOVE; running specifically had captured my heart.

I was loving the active life I was building! 

We were introduced randomly at work. ‘Hey you both run. You know each other right?’ 

(Me at 200 pounds and teaching myself to begin to run, being introduced to a tall, thin, fit, very obviously a runner-looking dude…)

Spencer said ‘You run!’

I stuttered back something intelligent and confident like ‘UH… I’m NOT THAT kind of runner… Not like you can obviously run. I’m really, really slow. I just wanna be able to run a mile without walking…’

Spencer said “It’s cool you run! Let’s grab coffee and talk about running.’

So we did.

I explained how I had gotten to the point of wanting to become a runner; mega weight loss, getting off insulin. Lifestyle changes, NOT diet.

I confessed I couldn’t run more than a mile or two. But I still told him my heart’s desire; I wanted to run an ultra someday. Did he even know what the heck I was talking about? Spencer, with a grin, said ‘Yeah. I’ve heard of them.’  ‘Do you really think someone like me could run an ultra?’  ‘Absolutely.’

Heard of them? Geez. Turns out he had RUN them!

The ultra world isn’t very big. With DUMB luck I had just stumbled into someone who KNEW about them. More importantly to me? He was only the second or third person to greet my ‘ultra’ goal with a POSITIVE response and not the now-standard ‘YOU are crazy.’

He asked me what I was doing to train. I told him; LOTS. I was running and biking and hiking and weight lifting and doing boot camp classes.  If a little is good, a lot is better. Right?!

Spencer said ‘You’re doing a lot. Be careful and maybe look at some structure to keep from getting hurt’.

My brain shut down at his words of caution… 

I was SO, so, so tired of everyone preaching caution AT ME on this journey. Diabetes was trying to KILL me. Caution seemed stupid. Couldn’t people see I was ACTUALLY going to win this war against diabetes if everyone would just get THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY?!!!

Turns out that I was JUST about to reach a very real breaking point…

June 2013 I literally hit the ground. I passed out in Safeway. An off-duty fireman walking toward me saw the impending train wreck and broke my fall…

I wound up in the ER.

Exhaustion and potassium depletion was what they finally told me. ‘Hang up your running shoes for a few weeks and give your body a break..’

I met Spencer for coffee again a few days after my visit to the ER — wearing a portable EKG/heart monitor. I was defeated, scared to death I was going to lose my foothold on this new lifestyle.

I was ready to LISTEN.

I needed help.

I really wanted to be a runner.

Blacking-out scared the crap out of me. I clearly did NOT know what in the hell I was doing. At all. I asked Spencer about structure. And preventing this from happening again. And coaching.

Spencer was not coaching anyone at that point. He was insistent about it.

After some additional conversations; I flat-out begged him to consider working with me. Some more conversations? He agreed we could give coaching a try for a short period of time.

Fast forward 18 months.

Spencer is still my coach. 🙂

There has been lots of cussing and learning and sassy moments as I struggled to be OK with trusting someone else to help me on this journey.

I had to learn to accept that Spencer really was on my side.

Please understand; that statement is NOT a judgement on Spencer. THIS whole journey of changing your entire lifestyle..?  It can be lonely and hard. You get used to doing a lot of this stuff on your own, without crowd approval or understanding or support from anyone beyond a small handful of trusted friends.

To invite Spencer into this journey and then give him some portion of involvement and control was a very BIG step for me.

I ditched the heart monitor after a TON of tests. I got a totally clean bill of health after a period of serious rest. I had permission to start back to exercising and running – slowly and cautiously.

I started back from my ‘crash’ working with Spencer as my coach. Our goal? He was going to help me re-build in a healthy, sustainable, safe way.

The trial period worked out.

He hasn’t fired me. (Yet.)

And… I ran my first 50K this past weekend.

That is my heart-monitor to 50K program in 18 months story.

Or as I have been calling it this week..?!?

‘Coach to 50K’. 🙂

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Thanks for not firing me Spencer… 🙂

I am too fat to exercise: Critical mass

~ betsyhartley392 ~ 6 Comments
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White shirt, 19 years ago, 300+ pounds.

We talked about the mental aspects of obesity and  exercise…

What about the PHYSICAL side of this battle?

I’m 5’7″ and weighed 392 pounds at my heaviest.

Does not take much imagination to fathom that I was physically not able to move well because of my size.

Physical aspects of being obese and active come up in conversations with people who know me and are facing triple-digit weight loss.

Complete strangers who hear about my journey have engaged me in blunt, instantly-intimate, humbling conversations as well. ‘I sweat more than any human on the planet and you wouldn’t believe the problems it causes…’  (I would) or ‘I can’t put on shoes that tie because I can’t reach my feet”. I feel like I have heard just about everything.

Understanding is all most people really want.

Maybe a solution or two.

With a dash of hope.

I will share with you the top 5 physical challenges I faced along with notes on how I tackled some of these barriers. I hope that by sharing this level of blunt detail, I might remove some obstacles or excuses for folks.

Being morbidly obese is not for the WEAK

1. Big boobs. They get in the way when I eat and sit still. Put them in motion and you are just asking for trouble. Do they make sports bras in my size?

Sports bras come in ALL sizes. Some are great and some are useless. You get what you pay for. I bought cheap sports bras in the beginning of my lifestyle change because I KNEW I would be losing weight and that they wouldn’t fit for very long.

BIG mistake. Chafing, sore back, one bra even tried to strangle me after freeing the girls MID-CLASS. Disaster. After that little episode; I bought a GREAT sports bra. 🙂

They make bonafide, athletic-quality sports bras with serious motion control and back support for G cup and larger. Invest. You won’t regret it. It will make you feel braver. 🙂

2. I carry the bulk of my weight in my torso. I have a huge belly. Walking or physical activity with any intensity?  This ‘body part’ has its on inertia.

Compression clothing is your new best friend if you have a large belly or loose skin on your torso. Compression gear is supposed to be TIGHT – like swearing, sweating and struggling just to get into it. It’s worn UNDER your workout clothes and holds things in check and limits motion.

I wore tank top style compression with the strongest panels being over my belly. Bonus? Compression tanks/shirts also serve as back up for the sports bra. Compression shorts for men and women work from the bottom up. Pun intended. 🙂  

3. I can’t get up and off of the ground without some serious effort and hopefully a hand rail. I barely fit hip-to-hip on the largest treadmill. Some machines or equipment have weight limits; I exceed them.

(Get your doctors permission. MAKE sure they know you are getting started with a physical activity routine and see what advice they have for you.)

Seriously… Check out weight limits on yoga balls if you doubt me. Looking for the phrase ‘burst resistant’ does NOT build confidence.

Do NOT pick the hardest thing to get started.  If getting up and off the ground is difficult right now – pick an activity that doesn’t require that. Don’t set yourself up for failure or injury. 

START where you are, not where you WISH you were.

My doctor told me to get started by walking, which I did. Walking was relatively gentle, could be done anywhere and was not as threatening as testing the true weight limit on a machine by accident. Her other suggestions were swimming (bathing suit. HELL NO!) or using a treadmill.

I slowly added in things that required me to move differently or stretch my boundaries a bit.

4. I have not seen my toes in years. My belly is in the way and I can’t do a sit up. I have NO stamina. I can only do 10 minutes of activity, not a full 45 minute class.

You HAVE to start somewhere.

Pick something that you will enjoy and that will make you sweat WITHOUT injury. You can add complexity, intensity once you get moving and gain confidence.  

I couldn’t do sit-ups, had NO stamina, couldn’t do push-ups, couldn’t run, couldn’t bend, just getting to the gym was a freaking full-out cardio workout….

Trying exercises when you can’t fully do them felt stupid and useless.  

BUT it is not. You have to get started. Do one. The next time do two. SERIOUSLY. Start THAT small. So what if anyone else is doing 10 minutes or 50 reps?  Even they had to start somewhere. You just weren’t there at THEIR beginning.

Start where you are and work from there.  

NO COMPARISONS.

(Except against your old self.)

Remember that you will SEE progress at some point if you stick with it. And progress — progress is magic!

DO NOT expect INSTANT.

But keep your eyes peeled for the slightest hint of progress. And celebrate the hell out of it!!!

5. Do they even make workout clothes in larger sizes?  And does it have to be form-fitting spandex..? Hell.

They do make sizes 5X and larger. Some of them are really cute while being functional. Cute is NOT important in a sports bra. But cute clothes? I’m a fan of cute clothes.  (With polka dots.)  

Get in some comfortable clothes that let you move about freely and let you sweat.

And yes, they use a lot of Spandex.

No, it’s not to be mean. It’s so you can move.

You want your clothes to fit to your body and NOT be in the way.  I was super guilty of wearing anything that resembled a tent to cover my bulk.  Not sure who I thought I was fooling. Large, loose fitting clothes will actually get in your way.  Trust me.

This is about clothing your body in the right ‘tools’ so you can get moving. 

Those were my top 5 challenges and pretty much in the order of what I feared AND then had to learn about.

Not everyone has the same challenges, but I know from multiple conversations that these are fairly common concerns.

These issues AND the solutions are largely not talked about in the circles of obese active folks because it is just freaking embarrassing stuff to have to talk about.

This post was taunting me for weeks. And honestly, I’m still kind of cringing at seeing it all written out…

BUT if sharing these details can help someone, anyone, get past their embarrassment AND into the ‘gym’… Then I will keep sharing.

‘You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.’ — Zig Ziglar

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Running with my dear friends Wendie and Hannah at night, with headlamps! Fun!